Dear David, today I will tell you about my last relationship with a married guy that ended a few days ago. Maybe I should be sadder than I am. Maybe I haven’t missed him yet. Maybe I don’t realize that this is the end. Maybe this is the reason that I am not so blue.
But, let’s tell you how things started. A few years ago I was living in Spain. We connected through Facebook. At that time he was working in London. We talked to meet, but the universe wanted something else.
After a few months, I moved to New York City. The coincidence was that at that time he moved to upper state New York, on the Hudson River. He bought a house there. We started our relationship. Everything was perfect. Or, almost.
Until I realized that he was involved in another serious relationship with a British guy for many years. I was devastated but because I loved him, I said: he is here with me, he will meet that guy twice a year so he will spend more time with me. And never know what will happen.
In my heart, I was thinking that in the end, he will be with me. Wrong! He goes on a holiday in London and after a few days, I read on Facebook that he married that guy! I was more than shocked. Really. I was so sad, so devastated… I didn’t felt anything like that before.
I asked him why he didn’t tell me that he will marry. RNC, let’s call like that, told me that he didn’t want to upset me. What? Are you fucking kidding me?
He argues that he loves me truly, but because I am so young (he is much older than me) he told me I was scared that after a few years I will be bored with him and I will let him with a broken heart. Also, he said he doesn’t love his husband at all, but they have so many things in common (like houses and businesses) and he is the same age as him and even if he doesn’t love him, he feels secure in that relationship. He told me that they even don’t have sex years before he met me. That they are like buddies/mates. I am an innocent guy, I still believe in good people and I trust them. So, I believed him.
Anyway, after a few months, I started our relationship again. Because for me he wasn’t just a lover, he was a mentor, he taught me so many things about life. He polished me. So, if I thank him is because he through me how to become a better man.
Everything was ok, let’s say it, but he moved to London. So, I moved to London too. Even if his husband was in London, I met RNC a lot. Especially when his husband traveled for work I was moving in their house and bed.
I never think of me like I do something bad, or that I am a mistress. His husband knows about me and he agrees, so I am not feeling bad at all.
But, in the last year, I realize that my bf was more disparate to have sex with me than to love me. And he started, little by little, to not treat me with respect at all. And all the time I said to him: be good for real. Not only on social media!
So, last week, after a long meditation I said enough is enough. I cant love and be with a man who doesn’t treat me with respect and to be used only for sex. And for free!
So, dear David. this time it is the end. I didn’t make a drama. I just text him and I told him that how he acted with me wasn’t nice at all and this was it.
I am pretty sure later will treasure me more, but it is already late for me.
Of course, I will miss our smart discussions, going to museums, galleries, having nice dinners…
Somehow I was dependent on him about my decisions in life.
And now it is time for me to be completely free to fly. I don’t know where, but I want to enjoy my freedom and be just by me and focus only on making money and new powerful friends.
I don’t want anymore to play with his bald head, I don’t want me to want him again, I don’t want me to love him anymore.
I will miss his stupid humor, his nipples, our long sex sessions on Maria Callas operas, his puppy eyes, to be landscape on his sofa, I will miss his craziness. I will miss so many things. I will never find someone crazier than him.
All I know is that he will never know how much I loved him.
I don’t want him to call me again because I am scared that if I will answer we will be again.
Yours,
Il Principe AG
PS
I am writing in this… bad English because I don’t know better English. It is not my mother tongue. But Bad English is still Good English! And I prefer to be better with my tongue doing others… stuff.